Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
