fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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