I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
