PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
