when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize