Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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