we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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