Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
