So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
