oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
farters have to be the big spoon...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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