It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
