i don't like sucking hair
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
