her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
