It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
