If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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