things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
