At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
