You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
