I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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