I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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