my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
