your parents love me but you hate me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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