I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
