The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She bit a glass in half.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
