Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its liver damage thursday
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
