Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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