HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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