Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
