with your own penis?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
