How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
