Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
