Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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