My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
