I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.