Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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