she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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