Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
