Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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