she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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