The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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