i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well you can't waste a boner
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
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I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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