Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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