We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
