I will die if light touches me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
