I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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