watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
