And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
