people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
