he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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