hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
