There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
