Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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