What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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