dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
