I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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