Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
