Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Farmville is her only friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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