Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
