I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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