community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
