I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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