I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
