Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
