i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
