This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
