he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
