I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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