So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
