At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
