Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
