Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?