id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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