You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
