He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
